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Sunday, January 16, 2005 | Hatred, Will. feeling so shit-ified. doing chinese at this hour. frustrated and heck. dun even want to do. hates chinese. hates the tuition. been struggling with its homework. dun even like it. I swear I will stop learning chinese whenever a chance surfaces. I will pounce on it like a hungry lion(leo) does. one day I will be unable to control myself and be defiant against the teacher. I once dumped the worksheet in the bin when I was like sec2. yeah been with the same tuition since primary6 and yet the results are stagnant, infact deteoriating. all that shiit crap that the teacher says about herself being a professional and bring up many A1 nerds is bullshit. I bet its juz their nature that they are good in chinese. I tell u its all bullshit. I dun give a damn. I never learn it well.

hatred. I'm full of anger and confusion these days. I feel sulky ever since start of school and dint interact much. I have forgotten how to be wacky anymore. once strange occurance happened on friday in class. I was looking at my penknife and all of a sudden, a gush of hatred and satanism overcoming my mindset. I began to imagine wad it would be like if I suddenly emerged out of my sit with a full-fledged penknife and slashing the throats of some. I often am jealous of those popular people and not believing their ability overcome all pressures. I keep thinking that they are juz faking it. those were my targets at that time.

fortunately I was able to convince myself that it is not a right thing to do. but when I imagined myself doing so, I saw myself smiling. the graphic and all. eventually, an inspiration started to flourish... I might or will, start to compose a story on such... but I juz dun know how to start yet. one day, I may. when I have the abilty...

{ O.o wondering o.O }

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